Praise

Praise is one the most important ways we can help our children learn to do what is expected of them and to recognize their abilities.  It makes us feel good when someone tells us something nice.

She loves me, she loves me not, I LOVE ME.

Praise must be thoughtful.  Offering our children non-specific praise is a disservice.  

When you praise your child it is important to be specific.  Tell them exactly the trait or behaviour or skill that you have recognized as improving or newly learned.  Saying things like "you're great!" without a specific reason or example doesn't give the child anything to build on.

Say things like:

• Your printing is really getting neater, it's starting to look like a grownup's!
• You were a good friend today, helping _____ put away toys before we left.
• You were super-fast doing your journalling today, and it's well done.  You must have really been concentrating.

Model self-praise. 

Routinely, I can be heard saying things like this:

• I worked really hard today and got the whole _____ done.
• I'm really pleased with myself, I finished this faster than I had planned to.
• I feel good about ____.  I didn't want to do it, but now that it's done, I'm happy.
• I was a good friend today, listening to/helping/supporting ______.
• I am proud of my kids, I'm a good Mom.

Also, I ask them leading questions so they can express positive assessments of their own actions.

• How did you feel when you landed that back flip at gymnastics today?
• What did you think when you finished your math so quickly?
• How do you feel now that your room is clean?
• What did you think of that interaction with your friend, when they were sad about their dog dying?

Being the Mom of boys, I think it's important to model talking about feelings and give them words to explain theirs.  Girls, for the most part, seem to have no problem with this!  But, some might also need a little modeling and coaxing in this regard!

The punishment should fit the crime!

Being both Mother and Teacher (or Father and Teacher,) puts us in a situation that many others cannot relate to.

We are the disciplinarian and the mentor.  This can be a tough balance.

I've got fabulous children.  And I'm sure a great deal of it is luck.  But in case it's actually something I've done, I thought I'd share some of the tactics I use to keep things running.

1) I don't tolerate whining. When someone whines, I act like they're speaking a foreign language that I don't understand.  "I'm sorry, I couldn't understand what you said.  All I could hear was whining."  If they repeat the complaint in a whining tone, I suggest how they might say it for them to parrot back.  Works every time.

2) I don't tolerate a sullen or cranky attitude.  If someone is outwardly negative towards the assignment or work at hand (I do this for shared chores as well) I dismiss them.  I'll have them go sit on their bed, or the stairs, until they can join us with a good spirit.  The work will be there for them when they are ready for it, they know this.  Most times, they are back in 5 minutes or less.  Other times they have fallen asleep on their bed.  Which tells me that it wasn't just a cranky attitude, they needed a nap.  (Note:  Cranky Moms can benefit from this procedure as well, but it's not always a good idea for us to take a nap!! - sorry.)

3) If you complain that there too much assigned in a subject (when it's just the same amount as most days)  you can expect me to add a couple of questions to the assigned work.  And will continue to do so until you stop complaining.  I've been know to stop complaining by simply saying: "Really?  you want MORE math questions?"  They know the drill, that was the only warning they'll get.

4) The punishment should fit the crime.  Notice none of these "school related" infractions involve withholding television privileges or time with friends.  It can escalate to that when they spend so much time on their bed, or get so many extra Math questions that their school work drags into the evening...but it was a natural consequence of the problem - NOT a case of Teacher-Mom being the bad guy!

All of this, I do with a good spirit.  I don't yell or raise my voice.  I simply keep order and remind them of how it works. It's up to them to learn to follow protocol and expectations or deal with the consequences of their actions.